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usafphantom2 · 2 months ago

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SR-71 pilot tells how he was able to RTB after he got lost at Mach 3 because both attitude indicator and heading indicator were unserviceable

SR-71 Mach 3 strategic reconnaissance aircraft

The SR-71, unofficially known as the “Blackbird,” is a long-range, advanced, strategic reconnaissance aircraft developed from the Lockheed A-12 and YF-12A aircraft. The first flight of an SR-71 took place on Dec. 22, 1964, and the first SR-71 to enter service was delivered to the 4200th (later 9th) Strategic Reconnaissance Wing at Beale Air Force Base, Calif., in January 1966. The US Air Force (USAF) retired its fleet of SR-71s on Jan. 26, 1990.

T-shirts Habubrats 2

CLICK HERE to see The Aviation Geek Club contributor Linda Sheffield’s T-shirt designs! Linda has a personal relationship with the SR-71 because her father Butch Sheffield flew the Blackbird from test flight in 1965 until 1973. Butch’s Granddaughter’s Lisa Burroughs and Susan Miller are graphic designers. They designed most of the merchandise that is for sale on Threadless. A percentage of the profits go to Flight Test Museum at Edwards Air Force Base. This nonprofit charity is personal to the Sheffield family because they are raising money to house SR-71, #955. This was the first Blackbird that Butch Sheffield flew on Oct. 4, 1965.

Throughout its nearly 24-year career, the SR-71 remained the world’s fastest and highest-flying operational aircraft. From 80,000 feet, it could survey 100,000 square miles of Earth’s surface per hour.

SR-71 Lost at Mach 3

The following never told story was written by Col Darrell Cobb and given to me by his son Chris, whom I became reacquainted with at the Wheatland Union High School reunion.

‘Decelling, after an extremely valuable take leg over Hanoi, I encountered an emergency and landed in Thailand. Next day my Recovery Team Crew Chief cornered me – – – They were most anxious to get this TAKE to the processing center and no transport is available from Thailand. They told me: “Your malfunction is fixed, but you are legally required to have a NAV SET, and I can provide that for launch in about an hour. HOWEVER, I guarantee the NAV SET will fail about half an hour after level-off speed. Can you get this back to Kadena for them?”

‘I checked the forecast landing weather – CLEAR! I can do this! NAV SET failure degrades Primary Instrument Panels but even if primary FAIL, I’ve got the BACKUP system (called the FRS) – no sweat!!

‘We went and sure enough, 20 minutes after leveling off at speed (locked on the heading home) NAV SET failed. But Primary Flight Instruments also failed. Shortly thereafter all flight instruments OFF FLAGS POPPED UP. Guess what!?!?! I’m on a partial panel at Mach 3 – – LOST!

‘We checked OCEAN STATION DELTA and were about 60 nm left of course. I dropped the right wing 5 degrees for a count of 10 and reentered the needle. Start decel backset distance was 230 nm. Kadena TACAN locked on at 235 nm within 1 degree of inbound track. HOME FREE!

‘So, when you hear that old cliche, you ain’t been lost till you’re lost at Mach 3.’

Partial panel

But what does the term “partial panel” refer to?

Former SR-71 Blackbird pilot Stormy Boudreaux answers the question;

‘The term partial panel refers to instrument flying while the attitude indicator and heading indicator are unserviceable. Without the heading indicator you have to rely on the “whiskey compass” – so named, because it floats in a container of alcohol – for your heading and looking out the window for your attitude. However, the whiskey compass will tell you the heading only when the wings are level or very nearly level.

SR-71 pilot tells how he was able to RTB after he got lost at Mach 3 because both attitude indicator and heading indicator were unserviceable

This print is available in multiple sizes from AircraftProfilePrints.com – CLICK HERE TO GET YOURS. SR-71A Blackbird 61-7972 “Skunkworks”

“The pilot has to time his turn because establishing a turn of more than a few degrees of bank causes the floating magnetic card to hang up and freeze inside of the instrument case during the turn until the turn is complete – only after you roll out of your bank and the compass card settles down can you find out your new heading.

‘So you start your turn and maintain the turn for a predetermined number of minutes or seconds, then roll out to wings level based on time – you let the card stabilize (15-30 seconds) while it sloshes around figuring out where north is again and finally you read your new heading.’

Turning to the new heading as accurately and quickly as possible

Boudreaux concludes;

‘You prefer to turn to the new heading as accurately and quickly as possible- without rolling out and checking too many times because you are moving at 30 miles per minute. A large deviation from the desired heading means you are going in the wrong direction in a hell of a hurry! In this instance, weather was not a factor for visually determining his attitude and bank angle. If this happens in the weather it is an extremely serious emergency.’

Be sure to check out Linda Sheffield Miller (Col Richard (Butch) Sheffield’s daughter, Col. Sheffield was an SR-71 Reconnaissance Systems Officer) Twitter X Page Habubrats SR-71, Instagram Page SR71Habubrats and Facebook Page Born into the Wilde Blue Yonder Habubrats for awesome Blackbird’s photos and stories.

Photo credit: Lockheed Martin, U.S. Air Force and NASA

Linda Sheffield Miller

Grew up at Beale Air Force Base, California. I am a Habubrat. Graduated from North Dakota State University. Former Public School Substitute Teacher, (all subjects all grades). Member of the DAR (Daughters of the Revolutionary War). I am interested in History, especially the history of SR-71. Married, Mother of three wonderful daughters and four extremely handsome grandsons. I live near Washington, DC.

@Habubrats71 via X

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cherrylng · 30 days ago

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History Part 1: 1977-2004 [CROSSBEAT Special Edition - Muse (July 2010)]

Step by step, steadily climbing the ladder to the top. The three childhood friends who broke through the rock slump.

Text by Sumi Imai

They all used to have long hair! Three bonds forged in a rural town.

Teignmouth, Devon, south-west England. With a population of less than 15,000, this town on the English Channel is the ‘hometown’ where Muse formed their band. But it seems a curious coincidence that the three, originally born in different parts of the country, moved here as boys and met.

Matthew James Bellamy, aka Matt, was born in Cambridge on June 9th, 1978. His father, George, was the former rhythm guitarist for The Tornados, the first British band to have a number one single in the US in 1962. In an environment where music came naturally to him, Matt started playing the piano at the age of six, and as well as classical music, he learned to play boogie-woogie and blues, including Ray Charles, which he learned by ear in primary school.

He was 10 years old when he moved to Devon due to his father's work in the construction and plumbing industry. He grew up in a middle-class family until his parents divorced when he was 14, but life became relatively simple when he moved in with his grandmother and her family. It wasn't until he was separated from his father and his environment changed drastically that Matt took up the guitar in earnest, a sign of his thirst for something to devote himself to. His skill on the acoustic guitar was well known on campus, but his passion soon turned to rock guitar.

Dominic James Howard (nicknamed Dom), meanwhile, was born in Stockport, near Manchester, on December 7th, 1977. He moved to Teignmouth when he was around 8 years old and went to the same secondary school as Matt. He started playing drums at the age of 11, influenced by jazz. His father was a tailor of ceremonial gowns.

Christopher Anthony Wolstenholme (nicknamed Chris), born December 2nd, 1978, was in the same secondary school as both of them, one year below them. Born in Rotherham, a town in the north of England near Sheffield, he also moved to Teignmouth when he was 11. Influenced by his music-loving mother, he learnt to play guitar early on and eventually started playing in bands as a drummer. The origins of Muse can be traced back to late ‘92, when Matt joined as a guitarist in the band Dom was playing drums in during his secondary school years. This was a time when many rock boys in middle and high schools across the UK were inspired by Nirvana and a band boom was underway. Dom was a member of the school's blossoming band. The foursome came to call themselves Gothic Plague, but the original-oriented Matt & Dom and the other two members fell out and broke up in 1994. Matt and his best friend Dom decided to take on the dual role of lead vocalist and guitarist, and when they were looking for a bassist and backing vocalist, they set their sights on Chris, who was playing drums in a band at school. They managed to persuade him, who could also play guitar, to join them. This was the first time Chris had played bass.

Teignmouth is a rural town, and the only way to see a well-known band live is to travel to the central Devon city of Exeter. The best way to enjoy rock music in the flesh is to play it yourself - an environment that helped them develop musically. The three of them entered a local music contest that same year under the name Rocket Baby Dolls, "on a whim" (Matt). They won the contest with their gothic make-up and aggressive performance, dominating the others. There they learnt that ‘the expression of emotion is just as important as technique in music’.

Soon after, they changed their name to Muse and started playing shows in and around their hometown. Their musical style at the time was a combination of grunge sounds and UK melodic punk (Mega City Four, Senseless Things, etc.) with pop melodies and harmonies, plus elements of progressive metal, and they all had long hair. The three went on to a music course (equivalent to the second or third year of high school in Japan) to prepare them for A-levels (the national examinations that qualify for university), but in the end they decided not to go on to university but to pursue their musical ambitions while working part-time. Matt also worked as a painter and demolition worker.

One of the keys to this was Matt's four-month trip to Europe on his graduation trip. He was exposed to folk music from Spain, Italy, Greece and other countries, and at the time he was devoted to the Spanish guitar. It was also in his late teens that he rediscovered the appeal of classical piano, including Rachmaninoff, Chopin, and Liszt, and this broadening of Matt's musical tastes contributed to the uniqueness of the band.

It was during this period, while working part-time, making demos, and playing shows, that the three were discovered by the proprietor of the well-known recording studio Sawmills and signed a management contract. They were granted free use of the studio and began recording in earnest in 1997. The following May 1998 saw the release of their debut EP, "Muse EP", from Dangerous, a label co-run by Sawmills.

In September 1998, when they appeared at In the City, an annual trade fair for new bands held in Manchester, it was not the UK but several US labels that first showed interest in them. The shows in New York and LA in October/November of the same year were the decisive factor, and Muse were signed to Maverick, the label founded by Madonna, followed by Mushroom in the UK, and then labels in Germany, France, Japan and other countries. In the spring of 1999, they finally began work on their first album, with master producer John Leckie.

The heat of their live shows spread by word of mouth, and their EPs and singles released in 1999 caught the ears of DJs at BBC Radio 1, which has influence in the UK indie scene, helping Muse's name to spread among British indie fans, and in October, their first album "Showbiz" was released. At the time, Muse were often compared to Radiohead and regarded by some as their followers, but the seeds of their strong individuality - a fusion of dramatic alternative rock, romantic classical elements and exoticism - had already begun to emerge.

In 1999, pop and R&B were at the height of their popularity in the British music industry, and rock music itself was in decline, making it extremely difficult for new bands to achieve commercial success. The number 29 in the UK may seem modest now, but it is a pretty good achievement. They were also voted best newcomers of 1999 in the NME magazine readers' poll. From 1999 to 2000, they were selected as the opening act for the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on their EU & US tour, and also performed at festivals in various countries. They also visited Japan three times that year, starting with their first visit in March 2000.

Unique and rich musicality that pioneered the revival of UK rock.

Between touring for their first album, the band started work on their second album in September 2000. Many of the songs on the new album were written during the tour. Compared to the previous album, the band had gained more live experience and played with many bands, which gave them a clearer idea of what they were aiming for and further increased their desire to pursue a unique Muse sound that was different from the others. In order to realise this, a number of new experiments were made on the second album. The band introduced keyboards such as the Mellotron and church pipe organs, as well as instruments made from animal bones. By setting no limits for themselves, the band's musical range widened considerably.

By the summer of 2000, Coldplay's debut album was number one in the UK, and a new boom in new acoustic music was taking place, with lyrical bands dominating the mainstream. In the same month, Radiohead released the electronica-influenced "Kid A," and while the "de-rock" trend continued, Muse's dynamic and liberating sound, featuring heavy guitar riffs, melodic bass, explosive drums, classical piano and high-pitched falsetto, was welcomed with joy by many people as a ray of light in the UK rock scene. The first single from their second album, "Plug in Baby," released in March 2001, reached number 11 in the UK charts, becoming their biggest hit to date. The follow-up "New Born" also reached number 12 in the UK charts. Expectations for the new album were growing.

In June 2001, the band finally released their second album, "Origin of Symmetry", which reached No. 3 in the UK, a great achievement in a period of rock music stagnation. It would be six months before The Strokes would bring a rock ‘n’ roll revival to the UK. In August 2001, they headlined the second stage of the V Festival, and by the end of the year had won or been nominated for various music awards and major categories. They steadily climbed the ladder to top band status. On the other hand, the band clashed and fell out with their US label over their musical direction. The release of "Origin" in the US had to wait until 2005.

As their fame as a live band grew, in July 2002 they released a live DVD, "Hullabaloo," featuring their performance in Paris in October of the previous year. The inclusion of a collection of early B-side songs on the same soundtrack CD is a sign of demand from new fans. After concluding their world tour in Europe and Japan at the Reading/Leeds festival at the end of August, the band took a break from live performances for a while. After taking a break for the first time in a long time, they began working on a new album.

For their third album, they decided to team up with producer Rich Costey, who has a wide range of musical experience, and entrusted him with the majority of the album. He is also a major contributor when it comes to the increasingly elaborate sound. The songs initially had a more positive atmosphere and the strings were more flamboyant, but the Iraq War broke out in March 2003 during production. The apocalyptic anxiety overshadowed the sound and lyrics, and the hard, dark tone of the work was a reflection of this unsettled state of affairs. The new album also reflects Matt's realisation through live performances that playing guitar simply resonates more powerfully than layering it up like before, and this is reflected in the new album. In September 2003, the second single from the third album, "Time Is Running Out," reached number 8 in the UK charts, breaking the previous record. In a scene that was booming with the rise of garage movement, alternative metal, and the revival of guitar rock, Muse presents a unique, majestic, graceful, grandiose, yet delicate sound and music that encompasses a wide range of genres from heavy rock to prog-electro and classical, and has succeeded in attracting listeners of a wide range of tastes and generations, as if they were a common denominator for all rock fans. "Absolution" reached number 1 in the UK charts. It was followed by hits in European countries and the following year in the USA, selling a total of approximately three million copies worldwide. The band embarked on an extensive, long-term world tour as one of Britain's leading bands in both name and reality.

The climax of this tour came on June 27th, 2004, when they headlined the final show of Glastonbury, the UK's biggest festival. It was a night of fervour and excitement that led Matt to call it "the best show of my life" during the MC. Although they were tragically hit right after the show when Dom's father suddenly passed away from a heart attack, there's no doubt that their musical career had reached a peak that night.

Chronology 1: 1977-2004 1977 December 7th: Dominic James Howard is born in Stockport, Manchester

1978 June 9th: Matthew James Bellamy is born in Cambridge

December 2nd: Christopher Tony Wolstenholme is born in Rotherham, South Yorkshire

1988 The Bellamy family moves to Teignmouth, Devon, where the three members of Muse meet

1994 The three form the band that would later become Rocket Baby Dolls and Muse

1998 December: After receiving positive reviews for their gigs in NY and LA, they are signed to Madonna's label, Maverick

1999 October: Release of debut album "Showbiz"

2000 March: First visit to Japan at On Air West in Shibuya, Tokyo

Appeared at the first Summer Sonic held on August 5th-6th. They performed as an opening act.

October 10th-15th: They performed at Akasaka Blitz, Shibuya Club Quattro, Nagoya Club Quattro, Shinsaibashi Club Quattro, Osaka, and Big Cat in Tokyo, for the first time in Japan, with a total of 5 shows.

2001 February: Nominated for the Brit Awards for Best New Artist.

March: Matt designs the cover for the single "Plug in Baby".

June: Release of second album "Origin of Symmetry".

July: Fuji Rock 2001 performance scheduled for July is cancelled due to promotion.

July 11th-15th: Performed an invitation-only concert at Zepp Tokyo, Osaka, Shinsaibashi Club Quattro, and Nagoya Club Quattro.

November 28th-December 2nd: Second Japan tour at Zepp Tokyo, Nagoya, Bottom Line, and Osaka IMP Hall.

December: After the Japan performance, they took a long break. During the holidays, Chris' second daughter is born.

2002 June: "Hullabaloo Soundtrack" is released in Japan (July 1st in the UK).

July: Performed at the Fuji Rock Festival, Green Stage, before the first day (26th).

October: Provided Animals' cover "House Of The Rising Sun" for the charity album "One Love" organised by NME and War Child.

2003 March: Video footage of the recording of the new album is released on the Muse official website (updated regularly until the release date in September of the same year).

September: Release of third album "Absolution".

2004 February: Toured Japan for the third time, performing at Tokyo Bay NK Hall, Shibuya AX, Nagoya Diamond Hall, Osaka Namba Hatch, Shinsaibashi Club Quattro, Fukuoka Zepp Fukuoka, and Hiroshima Club Quattro. During a performance in Osaka, Chris loses his wedding ring, but a fan later returns it to him safely.

April: During a live performance in Atlanta, USA, a string from Matthew's guitar breaks and hits him in the mouth, causing him to bleed. The performance is stopped and the next performance is also cancelled.

June: They headline the Glastonbury Festival. The live performance is a huge success, but tragedy strikes when Dom's father suddenly dies of a heart attack just after it ends.

August: While on tour with The Cure, Chris breaks his wrist. The tour is cut short with three shows remaining and they return to Japan.

November: They won two awards at the MTV Europe Music Awards: "Best European Alternative Act" and "Best UK & Irish Act."

Translator's Note: Every time I think that I've already known enough about Muse, I get reminded that I do not, in fact, have said full knowledge. So today I learned that Dom's dad was a tailor. For ceremonial gowns.

Please do support me with my ko-fi! ☕

#Matt Bellamy #Dom Howard #Chris Wolstenholme #Muse #Muse band #Showbiz era #Origin of Symmetry era #Absolution era #my scan #translation #article #CROSSBEAT #CROSSBEAT Special Edition

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julianalvarez9 · 2 years ago

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JULIÁN ÁLVAREZ & ERLING HAALAND - Manchester City vs Sheffield United - April 22, 2023. (Photo by Chris Brunskill)

#julian alvarez #man city #manchester city #julián álvarez #mci #mcfc #erling haaland

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thefrontofmymind · 1 year ago

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Might As Well 5; Is This Town Worth Living In?

matty healy x videographer!reader

WC: 5252

masterlist

You treated it like a job. An unpaid, harrowing job. Every gig you would act as roadie for the band; driving to the gig in Matty’s van–wordlessly–setting up all their equipment, cheering as loud as you could for every song, and then packing it all up and going home again. It broke your heart, this professional partnership with Matty. It wasn’t working, even with minimal words between you, so much was being said.

I love you.

I miss you.

Me too.

I know but it’d never work.

I don’t care.

You’d begun working on some new ideas for music videos with him. You needed something to talk about apart from yourselves. It was an alright distraction, it’d fill the time of the long drives to pubs in the city, one weekend you even made your way to Sheffield for a gig once. Months went by, and it felt like your life was passing you by, but the only real thing was those drives. Even with your skin itching and your heart breaking, Matty’s presence brought you comfort.

It was beginning to get warmer, the sun was staying up later and you didn’t mind the windows down as Matty drove. The rest of the guys had to take off early, all citing different excuses, though you knew they all thought it a bother to have to pack up all the equipment. George once told you he was just waiting for when they were famous and they could have a whole team sort it out for them.

You were trying to fit all of the equipment in the back of the van, always a game of tetris. You’d even taken off your signature high-tops, as much as you loved them, that weren’t exactly the most flexible of shoes. You had to talk to him, really talk to him. You couldn’t stand not talking to him for much longer.

“Hey,” you said to him as you were going back and forth with boxes and cables and cases, but it came out more like a question. Matty hummed in response, matching your cadence. “I…have news…”

“What? You’re pregnant or something?” He joked. You loved to see him laugh with you.

“No! God no!” You laughed. “Do you think you’ll ever get out of here?”

“Wilmslow?” He asked. You nodded. “I hope. One day. Why? You thinking about leaving?”

“I’ve got an offer for a film school in Brighton.”

“Oh my god!” He answered. “That’s amazing! You should go for it!”

“You think?”

“Of course! If you think this’ll be your ticket, you should go for it. And yeah, it’s far from home and all that, but there is nothing stopping you from visiting us all!”

“I guess…I’m going to Brighton!”

“It’d be nice, at the seaside…You could get a tan…”

“Yeah,” you answered. “It will be.”

It felt like a weight off your chest. Being alright with Matty. You’d found a spot somewhere between friends and nothing that was comfortable. You would engage in light chitchat, small talk, and anything regarding creative endeavours, but nothing else was on the table. If he wanted to know how Chris and the rest of your family was doing, he could ask them, and likewise.

You felt content. Happy, even. You were settled in what you called ‘your life for now’. You had friends, your health, and you were on the road to university in just a few months and you would live a life that you were proud of. You’d have no idea it would all come shattering down with a simple private message.

Justine McIntyre

hi! i have a question?

You were intrigued. You did a quick scan of this Justine’s profile. She just seemed like a normal girl your age from Cardiff. She probably knew Dylan or something, maybe a friend he went to school with or something.

hellooo wats goin on??

Immediately you a response. Almost faster than you think any person could type.

how do you know dylan?

You typed an answer.

hes my boyfriend. r u a mate of his?

Ping! An answer that shocked you to your core.

hes MY boyfriend!

omg that cheating cunt!

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t answer, your hands were shaking too much to make any sense. Your vision blurred and it felt like a vice was around your throat.

You closed your laptop and got under your bed sheets. And you just cried. You couldn’t fathom it, the first guy to ever like you and make an effort, and it was all an act. You let out silent sobs, tears flowing down your face and onto your pillow. You could’ve been just crying and staring at the ceiling for hours.

It was late by the time you’d gotten so dehydrated that the tears had no option but to stop. It was dark outside and the rest of the house sounded quiet; at least from what you could tell in your disconnected state.

You put on your shoes, grabbed your keys, and left your room. You needed fresh air, you needed to think.

You weren’t even thinking of being scared of walking alone in the dark. It was like your brain turned onto autopilot as you walked. You kept going over everything, every action, every sentence, every kiss and more, in your head. How much of it was real?

You knew after a while that if you stopped, your legs just wouldn’t start again, so you kept going. And going, and going.

A familiar house came into view. Surely Mr and Mrs Healy wouldn’t mind a case of light breaking and entering. You’d yet to meet them, but from what you heard they were lovely and understanding people. You quietly opened the gate into the back garden. And lo and behold, the light of the shed was on.

You knocked on the door, and after hearing a faint ‘what is it?’, you opened it. Though it was like something was stopping you from crossing the threshold, so you stood in the doorway. It took a couple seconds for Matty to react. He was lounging on the small sofa, guitar in hand and notebook and pen in front of him.

He looked up at you, he knew something was wrong the second he laid eyes on you. He quickly stood up and approached, when you just crumbled into him, sobbing all the way through. And he simply held you while you cried, a comforting hand firmly rubbing your back.

“Tell me what’s happened,” he said as you began to calm down.

“He has another girlfriend…in Wales…he’s cheating on me…” You answered between sniffles. Matty didn’t say anything, just enveloping you in an even tighter hug–if that was possible. “How could I be such an idiot?”

“You’re not an idiot. He is,” he answered. “You did nothing wrong…”

You began to actually feel at ease in Matty’s hold. You could breathe again.

“Do you wanna…” He pointed behind his back. “Come inside?”

You nodded and he finally let go of you. You walked inside and settled on the sofa. You tried to take a peek at the notebook, but Matty closed it and put it off to the side before you could see. All you noticed was a very short title scribbled at the top of the page.

“Not finished yet…” was all he said before going back to fiddling with the guitar, random little riffs he was coming up with. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

You sighed. “A girl messaged me on MySpace, asking how I knew him, so I told her that he was my boyfriend, and then she was like ‘what? He’s my boyfriend’, and I just…” You put your head in your hands, trying to stop the tears from brimming again. “Then I walked here.”

“You walked?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, darling…” He put the guitar down again–gently–and pulled you into him. It felt like a new home for you there against his chest. “I’m so sorry…”

Somewhere in the cosmos, the fates were looking in on you; as you were pressed against his chest, looking up at his sorrowful face, you had a choice ahead of you. You couldn’t take it. You wouldn’t take it.

You quickly moved from his grasp, mentally kicking yourself for even thinking about leaning in, and finally kissing him–after a year of friendship you were so close to throwing it all away. It would’ve been a dumb, rash decision that you would regret once you calmed down. You thought long about it in the past, you knew Matty’s feelings on the matter. But it just wasn’t right, you couldn’t kiss someone else while you were in a relationship–no matter the worsening condition of it.

You sat a good foot away from Matty and told him everything. Really just unloading on him–though he was happy to be on the receiving end. You couldn’t help but go on a long spiel, explaining how hurt you were, how the first time you trusted someone enough to let them in, they just had to hurt you anyway. You told him about your childhood, growing up with separate parents, that you promised yourself you wouldn’t let yourself get into a position like your mum, alone raising two kids after their dad ran out on them for greener pastures.

It was so cathartic, you’d never told anyone how you felt about it all–not even Chris, your one confidante who understood how you felt because he was feeling it too. After it all, you let out a big sigh, a weight was off your chest.

“Do you want some advice?” He asked.

“If you’re giving it out.”

“You can’t keep hurting,” he started. “You have to cut off this pain at the source.”

“Dylan?”

He nodded. “You need to tell him it’s over.”

“I know…”

You began to think, to plan. You decided it was best to do it in person. You wanted to look him in the eye and really talk to him. And you just couldn’t act before that, you had to treat your life like he hadn’t done what he did. You wouldn’t stoop to his level, you wouldn’t act on your urges, no matter how much it seemed like the universe was begging you to kiss the boy across from you.

You spend most of your time in hiding. Secluded to your room while you thought everything over. Dylan had still been texting you like normal, you answered in short, curt sentences but he didn’t seem to notice.

You broke the news to Chris, to which he gave you a hug and called him a prick. You begged him not to tell your mum and stepdad why you two broke up, you didn’t want either of them to kick off. On the first evening of your solitude your baby brother, Luke, gently knocked on your door and shuffled inside your hole of a room.

“I want you to know I would never cheat on a girl,” he said.

“Thanks, mate,” you answered, not moving from your spot under your covers. He was a sweet kid, and he always knew what to say to make you feel better–as best he could.

You got a message from Ross, saying he hoped you were okay–he was quickly becoming a comfort to you, someone who you could rely on–indicating that either Matty or Chris had spilled the beans.

You didn’t speak to Matty. You couldn’t speak to Matty. There was so much running through your head, you couldn’t think straight. After an entire year of friendship, you were convinced you were happy with just that, but simply watching him, looking at the photos you’d taken at small gatherings and gigs, it made your heart flutter–more than Dylan had ever done. You just didn’t know what to say. You probably typed up a thousand messages explaining how you were feeling, what you were going to do. But in all honesty, you just couldn’t put a name on the pain running through you. You wished you could take a several-day long nap and you could wake up and all your problems would be solved for you. All you knew you had to break up with Dylan, that was obvious.

Part of you was hoping it wasn’t real and she was just some weirdo who wanted some attention–even though this Justine was posting photo after photo with Dylan and his friends, and they all seemed very chummy with each other in the comments. You couldn’t help but read each and every one of them, each giving you another stab to your heart. You managed to get a train ticket down a couple weeks ahead. You just had to wait.

For now, you tried to keep yourself busy. Films, music, your own personal projects. It wasn’t working all that great, but you had no other option. You tried to immerse yourself in your favourite films, comfort movies you would save for rainy days or when you were sick.

You sunk further and further into your mattress on one particularly hard day, Dylan hadn’t answered any of your messages–something that you used to not bat an eye at, an often occurrence, but now you could only imagine what he was getting up to. You were under your covers, it was getting warmer outside but you didn’t mind the thin sheen of sweat over you if it meant you could be cosy. You were watching one of your favourite movies, Alice In Wonderland, you loved the colours, the needlessly nonsensical dialogue, and the all-over plot. It was the perfect movie to get lost in, you’d loved it since you were a kid.

There was a knock at the door. You figured it was someone in your household bringing you a cup of tea or just asking how you were going–normal procedure over that past couple days. You called out a small ‘come in’ and the door creaked open. The mop of hair you were desperately trying not to think of was standing at the precipice.

“Hey, Healy,” you said, trying not to notice the jump in your chest.

“How are you, kid?” He asked, quickly walking to sit on the edge of your bed.

“I’ve had better days.”

He chuckled, turning to see what was playing on your small TV that sat on top of your chest of drawers. “Wow! Alice In Wonderland! I haven’t seen this since I was…little.”

You patted the mattress next to you–almost on instinct–and he got the idea, kicking his Vans off and shuffling to lay next to you, a position you had become quite familiar with on your occasional movie nights together.

You were trying to watch the movie, but you couldn’t with all your focus on Matty’s breath. In and out, in, laugh, and out. His arm rested on top of your duvet, your leg underneath it, your skin felt like it was tingling, almost like frostbite.

Eventually, you weren’t even watching the movie, just his face as he laughed at all the antics on the screen. You could see just a little bit of stubble in patches across his right cheek, his front teeth were just a little crooked, his eyes were the kind of brown that was so deep, you wanted to take a dive into them. You noticed things you hadn’t seen before. He was becoming more and more of a person in your mind, he was real.

A shock of terror ran down your spine as he locked eyes with you, a smirk at catching you staring. You didn’t say anything, just quickly whipped your gaze back to the film. You heard a small, breathy chuckle from beside you, drilling a hole into your mind.

Deep breaths. No tears. You’ll be okay. You told yourself over and over on the train ride. You could feel your entire body shaking with anxiety, including your internal organs…somehow.

You heard your phone ping, a text. It was your mum.

hi sweetie! sorry i couldnt get out of work to drive you. were all here for you xox

You smiled at the message. You didn’t exactly tell your family why you felt the urge to go see your dad for a random weekend only mere weeks before you would be on summer break, but they could infer. Your stepdad had given the biggest, most comforting hug you’d ever gotten from him at the train station, and a reassuring, “we all love you.”

As the train hauled to a slow stop, your heartbeat got faster. Some of the passengers on your carriage began to get up and get ready to go on with their lives outside of this metal tube–in the slow kind of way that hopefully by the time they were ready, the doors will have opened. But not you. You brain was going at a million miles a minute, going over all the things that could go wrong, including but not limited to accidentally punching him in the face, finding out a close family member of his had just died, and of course, finding out that he wasn’t cheating on you and it was all just a big misunderstanding. Though now you just wanted it over, you’d convinced yourself it was the best option. You were getting ready to go off to uni, you needed some time to grow and so on.

The doors opened and you knew there was no escape, you just had to face it. You grabbed your bag from the rack above your seat.

You saw your dad standing not far beyond the entrance of the station. Without even thinking about it, you were bounding towards him, engulfing him in the biggest thing imaginable. You hadn’t told him much of what was happening, just that you really needed to come down to Llandough and quickly.

“Shall we head off then?” He asked, to which you nodded. “I thought we could get pizza for tea, we can pick it up on the way.”

You always loved visits with your dad. Now almost a year on from your first trip to see him, you’d fallen into a routine, and he always knew how to make each time you saw him special.

You spent the evening trying to distract yourself. Pizza and old movies with your dad. You quickly learnt that he was as much of a cinephile as you were. Boxes and boxes of DVDs and VHSs surrounded his office. Everything from the top action blockbusters, to obscure documentaries, he loved it all.

You settled into the sofa for the evening, pizza box on your lap and cheesy garlic bread on a plate on the coffee table in front of you. It was your dad’s turn to choose a film that night–you’d been taking turns picking, he went for a movie from when he was a kid, a murder-mystery, ‘Murder By Death’. You tried to savour the night as best you could, knowing there’d be suffering tomorrow.

With every step closer to the park, your breathing kept getting more and more shallow. In a dream world, you could turn right around and run back home. But you had to do this, it wouldn’t be fair to go on like how you were.

You thought for sure that Dylan already knew, this girl must have told him. And if you heading down on such short notice wasn’t a clue that there was some kind of urgency, you didn’t know what was.

You saw him sitting under a tree. Your tree. Though now you supposed you could be content with just calling it his.

Once he saw you approaching him, he stood and met you in the middle. He gave you a half-hug and a kiss on the top of your head. It caught you by surprise at just how awkward and forced it all felt. Was it always like this? You sat down on the grass next to him. He was smiling at you, you almost felt like the bad guy here.

After some chit chat, how you were both doing and whatnot, you thought it best to get down to business.

“I…got a message on MySpace,” you started.

He hummed and nodded intently.

“It was from this girl…Justine.”

He sighed. “I know…”

“So what she told me was true? About you?”

“Well what did she tell you?” What kind of game was he playing here?

“She told me that you’re a cheating rat, that’s what.”

He didn’t reply, and kept avoiding eye contact by playing with the blades of grass between his fingers.

“What the fuck is your deal?” You didn’t realise how much anger was suddenly bubbling up. “Why did you do it?”

“What? Like you’re not fucking Matt back home?”

You scoffed. “I would never do that to-to someone I trusted! Someone I loved!”

“Don’t act like you never even thought about it, love, I’m not blind.”

“What if I thought about it? I have-had you! You were it for me.”

“Listen…” He shuffled and grabbed your shoulders, finally looking you in the face. “It was never gonna work out with us, you knew that.”

Tears began to form in your eyes, you were speechless.

“How could it? We’re hours apart from each other…we see each other like once a fortnight…And we’re about to go off to uni anyway, don’t you want to experiment and all that?” He continued.

“Why did you start this in the first place then? If it was going nowhere?”

“Because it…was fun? It’s not like we were gonna marry each other.”

“So you cheat on me.”

“I guess…”

“I would say it was nice knowing you but…this is the worst another person has ever made me feel.”

“Sorry,” he said quickly.

You got up to leave. You really had nothing else to say to him, you thought.

“Just one more thing,” you started. “Did she break up with you too? For cheating on her?”

“She did.”

“Good,” was all you could say.

You walked as quickly as you could back home. It was the kind of walk where you felt like if your legs stopped moving, they wouldn’t start again, so you just kept going; inside the house, up the staircase, and to your “bedroom”, before collapsing onto the bed in a flurry of tears and sobs.

After a few moments, you managed to calm down. You thought it was probably just the shock of it all. The realisation that it was real. You were cheated on by your first boyfriend, and he broke your heart.

You couldn’t help but replay that last conversation, everything you said to each other. You were surprised at just how well you held it together, and at an admission you made–something you hadn’t even thought about much.

You’d never quite confessed it, even to yourself, but it was the truth. At times, you’d fantasised about Matty. You’d heard the stories, you knew what kind of guy he was, and it intrigued you.

Sure, anytime you’d made any kind of physical contact with him it sent a shiver up your spine, and yeah, you’d felt a pang of jealousy when he’d talk about any other girl. But you would never act on it, you’re in a relationship–were, you were in a relationship.

And last you knew, he liked you, and you knew that you liked him, and there was nothing in the way of stopping you from…acting on it.

Suddenly you couldn’t wait to get back to Wilmslow.

You got back on Monday morning–you were pretty much finished with all of your college projects so you knew it was fine to miss a day. Chris was gracious enough to drive all the way to the station to pick you up. You two made light smalltalk on the way home, fighting over the radio station and pointing out the paddock of horses on your way home–you felt normal and actually mentally alright for the first time over that weekend.

You spent the day in your room, surrounded by your creature comforts. Slowly you could feel your heart come back together, piece by piece.

There was still one issue, glaring you from the corner of your vision. You tried not to focus on it. Him.

You needed…to get your head straight, you needed some time to not think with so much pressure. You called the first person who came to mind with the thought of ‘no pressure’.

“What?” He picked up within two rings.

“George! Are you busy?”

“Um…Not really.”

“Would you wanna…” How do you phrase this? “Go somewhere and get high?”

“Yeah,” he answered, very nonchalantly. “I’m supplying?”

“Please, I’ll pay you back.”

“I’ll be right over.” And he hung up.

Very soon, you could hear the sound of a clanky, old engine outside the front of your house. Then your phone rang.

“Hello?”

“I’m here,” he said. You could feel his apprehensiveness through the phone.

“I’ll come down in a second, we can go to the park or something?”

“Okay, yeah, sounds good.”

With a loud announcement to the rest of the house of your departure, you were out the door and into George’s car–a small Toyota that had an overwhelming smell of weed and was in desperate need of a vacuum.

After some quick directions on how to get to the small paved area in the park that you’d sat at, getting high with Matty. Matty.

George lit a joint he got from the glovebox, taking a couple puffs before handing it to you–now getting comfortable, sitting cross-legged in the passenger seat.

“So…” He started. “What’s up?”

“Well-” You exhaled. “I broke up with Dylan.”

“Good. He was a dick!” He laughed.

“He was a bit, wasn’t he?” You joined in on the laughter.

“We-uh-all got bad vibes from him.”

“Like what?” You couldn’t get over how cathartic it felt to speak to someone the way you were, a real friend who you could actually be honest with.

“Take it from a guy-” He gestured to himself. “He didn’t seem…invested. In you.”

“Yeah…” You had to agree, given the circumstance that led to the end of the relationship.

You spend so long just chatting back and forth, even when the weed ran out, the conversation didn’t. It felt good to find…an equal, a friend without any pretences; you barely felt any anxiety in talking to him, it all just came so naturally to you.

It was beginning to get late, you had to get home for dinner. So George drove you back home with a friendly farewell, and you went to sleep that night just a little easier with the relief of getting a lot that was weighing on you finally off of your chest.

You exchanged cordial texts with Matty over the next couple weeks, but you didn’t see him–the band hadn’t had a gig all that while so you weren’t quite forced to see him. He knew your position–now single–and it would only be a matter of time before you would be in the same room again. You were curious on how he would react, how he did react.

You wouldn’t have to wait much longer, Ross was having a little get together for his twentieth birthday, just the guys, you and some other close friends.

It felt good to get all dolled up and ready for a party again, living in seclusion had its drawbacks at times, you were yearning for some social interaction. Chris drove you both there, but not before a comment from him about how it was good to see you up and about.

Ross’ house was thumping with bass inside, you could see some familiar faces around the living room, as well as some of his family that you politely greeted and told your name with a firm handshake. It wasn’t long before you settled in the back garden in a circle of the “kids” your age, passing round fags and light chatter.

Somehow, at some point of the night, Matty ended up next to you. You said a polite “hi” to him, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. You’d never felt like this before, this anticipation.

As the evening ticked onwards, the drinks flowed more and more. Without thinking much on it, you found yourself leaning onto Matty’s shoulder. Eventually he put an arm around you to steady you, but you only used it as an opportunity to lean even further.

“You alright?” He asked in a whisper, not audible to anyone else in the group over the music and admittedly loud, drunken discussions in front of you.

“Yeah, tired,” you answered.

“D’you want me to take you home? Not had a drink in a while.” He pointed to the empty beer bottle on the floor next to him, it had been sitting there for a couple hours at least.

“Can we go back to your house?”

“You wanna do that?”

“Yeah. I know I do.”

In a flash, you’d said goodbye to the rest of the party, in his van, and back to his house. At some point in the short drive you’d gotten the giggles, and now Matty was desperately trying to shush you to keep you from waking the entire house up.

After stealthily–as stealthily as you could–making it up to his room, you took off your trusty boots and practically launched yourself onto his bed. It was soft and smelt like him, you were in heaven.

“Do you want some toast?” He whispered. You fervently nodded. “Okay, just be quiet and stay up here.”

You did as you were told. Sitting on his bed and just taking in the room, you’d never been in his bedroom, let alone his house, before. You smiled at his bookshelf, mostly full of books you’d never heard of before, and then a small stack of DVDs to one side of it, all recommendations you’d given him. You saw not one, but two guitars sitting proudly in one corner–an acoustic and a dark red electric. Soon enough, the door let out a miniscule squeak, notifying you of Matty’s re-entry.

“I made you two slices, one with butter and one with jam, I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“Thank you,” you answered, taking the plate and resting it in your lap.

Matty sat down next to you and just watched you eat, though you were a little too preoccupied in trying to figure out if the jam was strawberry or raspberry flavoured to notice.

“Could I…” He started, a cautious hand out in front of him. “Pinch a piece?”

You let out an enthusiastic hum and held out the plate to him, he opted for a butter-y piece. You were surprised at how relaxed you were, it all felt natural, just eating toast in silence.

You finished the plate and placed it onto his nightstand.

“Good?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you answered. “I feel more…sober now.”

He laughed. “Good.”

“I never actually properly told you…” He looked confused. “I broke up with him.”

“Yeah…”

“And I’m single now.”

“I figured.” He was acting so nonchalant.

“So if something were to happen with someone else, it would be okay.”

“Do you want something to happen?”

Maybe you weren’t as sober as you thought, because the next words out of your mouth would never happen without some kind of liquid courage.

“I wouldn’t have asked to come back to his place if I didn’t.”

With that, he launched towards you and then his lips were on yours.

#matty healy x reader #matty healy fic #matty healy imagine

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